u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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