You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
