Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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