I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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