i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
