My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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