Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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