omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
