Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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