dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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