You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Semen is not good for contacts.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize