Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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