I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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