dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
