Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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