my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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