dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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