You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
