Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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