Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
