there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
