i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
