so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
