Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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