Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
