genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
