pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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