I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just had sex bonerless
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
