I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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