I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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