I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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