the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
