you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
