I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
