You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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