I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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