i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the day after is always just damage control
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
