Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
