I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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