dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
