I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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