they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
