oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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