I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
