grandma shit on top of the toilet
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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