I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
