I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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