I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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