Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
