this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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