i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
