I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
