All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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