You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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