I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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