i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
