just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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