So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
