It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She's the barista slut.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
