I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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