ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
