you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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