You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
