This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
