you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
