its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
