i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
