She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
