you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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