So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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