was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
