I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
