EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
