Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
