we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
